Jan 20, 2000, 3:50pm

Warning: today's rant is full of cuss words. If they offend you, get a life (this does not apply to the under 14 crowd - if you're reading this, your mommy better not find out!).

Here's a major gripe for you: print houses and graphic design firms that DON'T HAVE THEIR OWN EMAIL SERVER or FTP SERVER!!!

I can't tell you how many times I've had to deal with 19th century mentalities in the print field - you know, printers? They still think all printing should be done on glass plates, and type set by hand, I swear.

One of the biggest clusterfuck headaches in my job comes from doing any clientwork destined for print: it's a regular nightmare getting a workable file of some sort into a printers' hands. About 50% of the time I end up having to do the fucking 4 color sep negs myself, and then paying for courier costs to them. Another 40% of the time, I have to convert my CMYK TIFF files to a Mac format because most graphic design firms, most places with a linotronic machine for doing screens, and most print houses that use computers ONLY have Macs. It's the year 2000 folks. Sure the iMac's a minor hit, but 80% of all computers around the planet are using MS Windows of some sort. Get with the fucking program!!!

The other 10%? Well, first, that's a generous number, because only ONCE in the last three years did I find a firm that actually had their own ftp server AND had PCs as well as Macs. They gave me the login password and name, and I logged in, and uploaded my files. Boom, done. Simple as that.

The biggest headache I think though is how most of these print houses and graphic design houses don't even have their own email server. No... it's "send the file to us via email. our address is luserprinter@aol.com" A huge, collective sigh goes out from every orifice in my body when I read that or hear it on the phone. AOL, and most ISPs (including most of the national ones) impose attachment limits on their incoming email... usually 1 meg or so. Forget sending a 300dpi, 5x7 advertisement at 15mb or bigger.

So the next step I would take is zipping the file up, and putting it on MY webserver for the people to download. They act like they've never downloaded anything in their life "I can't seem to do it, it's broken" the luserprinter@aol.com whines. If they do manage to get the file, of course, they can't unzip it... one guy even wrote me (this is no bullshit!) going "I can't understand it. I downloaded your file, I put it on a (Iomega) ZipDisk, and I can't read it. It's broken". Collective orifice sigh Number 2.

So then I offer to courier the damned file on a ZipDisk (uncompressed, of course), which costs me about $20 for the disk, and about $40 for the overnight to the US. I do it. Then I get the phone calls and emails: "it's not working on our computers. We have Macs, and it's broken" (never mind there are Iomega tools for Mac ZipDisk drives to read IBM formatted Zips, and never mind that I saved the TIFs as TIFFs, Mac format, uncompressed).... collective orifice sigh Number 3.

So the last option, me doing the initial 4 color sep screens. Big expense, usually about $60 or so, then another $40 overnight. Then, usually, they can proceed (though one nightmare situation comes to mind but I don't want to talk about it. It pisses me off that much).

I got one short thing to say to printers and graphic designers still doing everything with their AOL (and other ISP) dialups - JOIN THE FUCKING 20TH CENTURY, YA FREAKS! WE'RE LESS THAN A YEAR FROM THE 21RST!!!!!!!!

There. I feel much better now.

Well, waitasec, I do have one more issue to discuss. It doesn't piss me off nearly as much. There's something I've heard many times over, but I heard it once more today, and I started thinking about it a bit:

"They can have my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead hands"

As seen on bumper stickers all up and down the United States. I heard some guy say this on the television today, during some little piece on the NRA and something going down in one of the lesser States.

I got to thinking about it. I recognize that there are many Americans who value their "right" to own firearms. What I don't recognize or understand is how many of them seem to value their guns higher on their priority list than their penis, or maybe more importantly and seriously, their family. I mean, think about it - this statement "pry it from my cold, dead hands" is indicative of this - these NRA nuts are so concerned about losing their guns to any kind of govt crackdown that they are willing to die for the issue, leaving their family in the lurch.

The pro gun folks will no doubt argue "my defending my right to own (and use) a gun is based on my love and my protection of my family". Bullshit. If you love your family and you want to protect them, then you earn a living to keep your family healthy, and you spend time with your family to "protect them". I think you can protect your family a helluva lot more by spending time with them, educating (passing along "wisdom") your kids, providing a safe home (which doesn't need a gun in many parts of the word, btw), and so forth and so on. But the pro gun folks are too busy taking their guns to the shootin' range and using fully auto weapons to go duck hunting and the like... spend time with their families? Hell, that's what television is for!

Some readers of this rant will no doubt vehemently disagree with me, and still others will think I'm making broad generalizations. Keep in mind I'm talking about the folks who state (or ardently believe) the statement "they can have my gun when they pry it from my dead, cold hands"... so in that aspect I don't think I'm generalizing... my Dad owns guns, I've fired guns myself. My Dad's a hunter (the oldstyle type who thinks it's a challenge to shoot a bird 200 feet in the air with a 22 cal.) and as a sport and a means for providing for your family (food), I think it's perfectly fine. Why these hunters would have a problem with further govt registrations, or making it more difficult to buy a gun, I don't know, and frankly I don't think the majority of them do.

The people I have a problem with are the folks who think their life will be worthless without owning a half dozen weapons. I don't know what kind of hunting you can do with an Uzi. Ditto for an AK47. There is only one reason, IMO for owning these guns - making up for a deficiency in some other area... waitasec - two reasons... making up for a deficiency, or wanting to commit a crime.

Anyway, sorry for the gun rant - I just think the whole NRA and their freakazoid stances on gun ownership are way out there. It is my opinion that the US would really be the pearl of the world (and probably would have converted a lot more of the world over to their form of democracy) if they managed to phase out the whole "right to own any kind of firearm" crap from their constitution 50 years ago. Sure, the US is envied by many, but ask any rational citizen of the world their opinion of the US and they will say something like "I'd love to live there, except for the violence, crime and guns..."

Hey... if your remember back to October, I invented a new phrase. I haven't heard anyone else using it yet, but it's sure to catch on. I should trademark it, I tells ya.... here it goes:

"He's so 20th Century"... or "That's so 20th century!"

It's a new way of saying "he's so old fashioned!" or "that's the old way of doing it, dude".

Mark my words, it's gonna catch on.

Till next time, thanks for stopping by!!!

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Mixelania

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Burundi and Beyond - NY Times
Great article by Peter Meehan - provided some background.

St. Petersburg Times
Side mention in an article about good machines

AP Story on Espresso
Background and information provided

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Globe and Mail
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The Olympian, WA
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Seattle Times - Clover
Interviewed for comments on the Clover brewer

NY Times - How it Works
Background and information for various espresso machines

Time Mag Article
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NY Times
Front page article about consumers getting into specialty coffee.

Washington Monthly
Quoted reference to what I wrote in an article at CoffeeGeek.

USA Today - Barista Jam
Intereviewed for my thoughts on what the epitome of espresso is.

WSJ Article
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Reuters Interview
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CoffeeGeek
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CoffeeKid Website
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enGadget
Great gadget site run by the guy who used to do Gizmodo.

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DPReview Forums`
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A blog about car stuff. Vroom Vroom.

MoCo Loco
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Riddla on Flickr
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Canon EF 24-105 f4 L Lens
The best lens I've ever owned. Super sharp and quick.

Canon 5D
A full frame dSLR, with luscious colour reproduction.

Alzo Digital Lights
Some amazing florescent cold lights for product photography

Canon Xsi dSLR
Amazing technology and image quality in a tiny package.

Canon 40D
Latest prosumer camera from Canon - a much better upgrade than the 30D

Fujitsu P1610
Great 2.2lb computer that does most of my travel / writing needs

28mm f1.8 Lens
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Foodsaver Advanced
Finally got the right tools for freezing green coffee.

Canon 50mm 1.4
Most amazing lens I've ever owned. Produces stellar photos.

Canon 10-22mm
Super wide angle (full frame fisheye) zoom for my Canon 20D