Feb 11, 1999, 3:35am

Okay. So I bitched about two of my online pet peeves. Web 'leets and copyright freaks. So what can I talk about next?

Well for one thing, I've been playing this new game for my playstation. It just came out, and it's scaring the absolute shit outta me. It's called Silent Hill, and I can't play it after dark. The plot is a bit complex, but I'll try to explain it here.

Basically, you are this ordinary guy who is driving on a vacation with your young daughter. It's night, and as you drive on the highway, you try to avoid hitting someone who's in the middle of the road, but you don't. The crash makes you pass out. When you awake, your daughter is missing. You get out of your jeep and try to find her. You think you see her off in the distance, but you aren't sure... as you chase after her, with fog all around you, you end up in this alleyway in the small town you were about to drive into. You see blood and corpses all around, and you're attacked by small creatures. You seem to die from the attack.

You wake up in a café, with a female cop there. Soon you find out some weird shit is going on in this town, and everyone appears to be dead. The town seem abandoned. But not quite. As you roam the town, where falling snow or dead of night obscure your view, you are attacked by rabid dogs, flying demons, and little zombies.

And it goes on from there. My description might make this sound like some typical horror video game, but it's a lot more than that. The game's creators have captured the scenery, the eeriness and the sounds that come with these kinds of nightmares, to a T. Jean is too afraid to watch me play the game, and frankly, I'm almost too afraid to even play it. But it's damned good! If you own a playstation, I highly recommend it.

But I did have a topic to write about this week, so here goes.

I have a saying when it comes to the Internet, and I use it often, especially in Usenet:

A keyboard and a Net connection is not a license to be rude.

It's true. Now, I'm pretty rude at times in usenet, but it's usually after I've been flamed, or if someone is making a complete jackass out of themselves. But it seems to me more and more that people in Usenet are viewing their keyboard as a license to be rude, to swear, to call people names, and generally, a license to be a first class prick. Over the past two weeks in van.forsale, for instance, I've seen countless flames where they were not deserved, and even a few physical threats of violence. All this over things like Pentium IIIs, local computer stores, and which processor is faster. Can you believe this shit?

Now, I believe there are times, places and events where people deserve a good ass kicking, but an argument over Pentium chips is not one of them. The last time I physically threatened anyone was when Jeanette was receiving obscene (and anonymous, of course) emails over my vocal opposition to a local company's actions towards its customers. I publicly challenged this pissant, who had the massive courage to threaten violence against Jeanette from an anonymous email address, to meet me and settle this. I showed up, twice. Of course, the guy was a no show.

This was 4+ years ago. Since then, no challenges. Well, Bendover from a crappy online zine threatened to tear me a new asshole, so I volunteered to pay his airfare up here to try, but like most keyboard warriors, he didn't accept. (hey, you like that term, keyboard warriors? I just made it up! I swear! I never saw it in writing before! It just came off the top of my head. Very cool. From now on, it will be known as KeyBoard Warriors™ heheheh)

So I mention all the above to prove that even I am susceptible to these kinds of testosterone displays. I have to say though that I've never been one to back down from what I have to say, and I'd never say anything online I wouldn't say to a person's face. I've written about this in the past, and I think that's why the increasing machismo displays I read piss me off a bit.

Nothing is worse than having some 3 time luser who's never even had his dick sucked tell you off in a newsgroup. I am, of course referring to the hardcore geek newsgroups like the image, warez and comp newsgroups. I recently witnessed a display in some comp group (I forget which one, but it had to do with cd rom problems) where one guy asked a question, and he proceeded to be flamed, quite rudely, by about a half dozen "regulars" or "keepers" of the newsgroup. I'm reading this, and I'm thinking, how many of these losers would have the guts to say all the things they type to this poor newbie's face? I came up with the answer pretty quick - zero.

Even worse, some geek lusers seem to take pride in the vastness and grandeur of their flames. In other words, they flame for the sake of flaming. I have very little time, and patience for these types, and even less respect.

I put these types on par with Internet trolls (who, by the way the flame masters despise). Basically, they are after the exact same thing - pissing people off. Can you believe people actually get their jollies by making others angry?

I have a mental picture of this type. Some 5 time luser (see, he graduated from 3 time), sitting in his dark, smelly little basement (usually at his parents' home), basically afraid to come out, afraid to even have contact with people. Never had a date, much less a kiss (or a blowjob) from a girl, owns two cats, and thinks that magic cards and MUDs are just about the coolest thing going (especially the MUDs, because then they don't have to physically interact with anyone, just virtual). They were probably beaten up in high school or junior high (which does suck by the way, I'm not condoning the fact they were beat up), and now, with the glory of the Internet, they can tell people to fuck off, to get a life, to get fucked, or basically to do anything involving the word fuck, as long as it doesn't involve a woman, and generally, they get away with it. It makes them feel big and strong.

What it actually does is make them an even bigger luser. A 7 time luser.

Wee. Enough of that. To totally switch gears, and talk about another guy who says the word fuck a lot, I have to tell y'all that because of my rant on web 'leets, I've been getting some email from people saying that I sound like the guy from Fierce magazine. Hrmmm, dunno about that. I haven't really tried for his record of saying "fuck" the most times in a rant (he claims 37, so far I've got about 8 of them in this rant).

Wait. One more "lastly". I've got an amazing tale about one of those web 'leets that Tor from Fierce likes to hate. It's a story about a person who used to be a neophyte at this web thing. A person who actually came to me for advice on crap (yeah, they (notice no gender here) were actually that desperate!). A person who got reverse-pissed at me (don't bother asking, I don't even know what that means exactly). A person who then got too good for me (apparently). A person who moved in with da 'in crowd, and never looked back. Well, maybe they do look back... I think I'm one of the "little people" this person looks back on... you know, "here's to all those little people who watched me become the most amazing person that is me".

But I can't share it. Yet.

Oh come on. I know it's a teaser, but honestly, it's still unfolding. Maybe it will be a feature story one day.

Sheesh. I don't know who I wanna see the crap beat outta more: those typical web people who think they "are" the web, or the usenet lusers who think flaming is an artform.

My, aren't I pleasant! Hey, till next time, who loves ya babe? Probably your mother. At least I hope so, for your sake. Go call her. Now.

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Mixelania

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